IT'S FRIDAY!!!

OHHHHH How I love a Friday! Especially this Friday...This week started with a horrible cold, which led to a horrible sinus infection, which led one tired momma. BUT, praise the Lord for whatever medicine I was prescribed!!! I woke up feeling like a totally different person, and I am sure the people I work with were happy about that:) 

I don't really remember much of the week because of the above, but one major thing that happened was...Nic and I (and of course the children), took up the task of rearranging Hayden's room for the third time in the matter of 3 months in hopes she would want to sleep in her room again. She has been playing in it lately, which is a huge answer to prayer. I know it sounds small, but this was a BIG thing...for those that have followed along with this journey will understand what this means. We put her bed against the wall that is across from the hallway door. From that spot, she can see down the hallway into our room. While we were rearranging everything, she kept getting really excited and jumping on her bed. I know A LOT of people are against this, but we do have a TV in her room (I can here the judgement already:)). Anyways, she wanted to watch Tangled and lay on her bed. She has not slept in her bed for about 2 months...she has been in a play pen (which she is too small for) in our room. She is still waking up during the night screaming and sometimes going absolutely crazy ( I have 2 marks on my jaw to prove it). Anyways, we turned on the movie and I laid on the floor next to her for awhile. She seemed to have relaxed, but it did take about an hour and a half for her to be completely ok with being in her bed. She did stay in her room the whole night, but not without several screams and me laying on the floor most of the night. She had a stretch of time sometime during the night screaming even though I was still in the room with her. 

Last night we started bedtime around 8 again. It was another rough night...both for Hayden and Nic. It was his night to wake up with her and he did just that. BUT she stayed in her room the whole night. We have just been praying for wisdom through this and for Hayden. We will continue to pray through this...that these night terrors will stop and Hayden will be able to sleep peacefully. I continue to pray that the fear in her scream goes away. I know this is just for a season (hopefully), but it is a hard and tiring season. 

We will keep trying. And praying.
On a lighter note, we can't wait to start the weekend...Let the family time begin!!!!!!

 Yes, that is my daughter....rolling all over the floor:)

 Like father, like daughter...OPEN YOUR EYES!!1

This one is blurry...but I loved it!

a Monday...and Faith

Tonight I sit here, with Hayden right beside me. We are watching Open Season, or "The Bear One" as she likes to call it. She is telling me everything that is going on in the movie, asking why the bear is cryin', asking why certain things are happening, and so on. It is funny to see how she puts emotions together and why things happen the way they do. Even in a cartoon movie. Colt didn't make it to movie time. After running through the house, playing every kind of ball possible and bringing out every toy possible, he surrendered to sleep. Bless his heart. What a busy little guy he is. However, he is NEVER to busy to give his momma some lovin' before bedtime!:) Those moments make my heart smile...big. I sure have been blessed with my two babies...and the father of those babies.

While I am still trying to figure out this whole balancing act called life, I know that EVERY second I have with my children is precious time. While I still like to have everything cleaned at night before I go to bed, I am learning that it can all wait until the kids are in bed...even when it is killing me that I am going to have people over tomorrow night and the house is such a mess:) I know God has a plan for our family through this time of our lives. I am learning more now than ever how important it is to put my trust in God and to KEEP it there. I have to have faith in His purpose for our family. I found this quote as I was reading through other blogs and it stuck with me:

Faith is risking what is

for what is yet to be.

It is taking small steps

knowing they lead to bigger ones.

Faith is holding on when you want to let go.

It is letting go when you want to hold on.

Faith is hearing God’s yes

when everything else says no.

It is believing all things are possible

in the midst of impossibilities.

Faith is looking beyond what is

for what is yet to be.

It is seeing the Light in darkness,

the presence of God in all.

~ Ellen M. Cuomo © 1997©2007©2011


I know I promised some pictures, and I still have a lot to write, but Hayden is asking to "herd (hold) her", so I am going to. Goodnight:)

Little Bit of Everything

It is Friday night...which means...I AM STILL ALIVE AND WE MADE IT ANOTHER WEEK!! 

I can't tell you the mix of emotions that ran through me in just one week...everything from sheer excitement of meeting the new students to completely melting down from exhaustion, and everything in between. But, I blame it on my "monthly monster":) 

I want to thank you for those of you that have prayed for me this week...you absolutely have no idea what it meant to me when I received different emails and messages saying you would pray. God is good. We are figuring everything out with schedules and trying to balance everything...and I just have to tell you that my husband is THE best in the WHOLE world. He has been wonderful through this whole change and has completely stepped in with all the house chores and even let me take a "me" time yesterday when I thought I was just going to lose it after coming home from work and having 2 screaming children at the same time. 

This post is going to be ALL over the place, but that is me right now...so take it or leave it.

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Rundown of the week: (if you care):

I tried my first Zumba class this week with Tara. Can I just say I NEVER knew someone's hips could move like that? I seriously wonder if they hide cameras in the room and watch as people like me make a total FOOL of themselves. BUT it was soooo fun, despite my inability to move like that stinkin' instructor. Seriously....couldn't believe it. Please don't think I am weird. If you haven't tried Zumba yet...do it. It will make me feel better knowing there are others out there like me that put themselves out there to look like an idiot:)

Last night, Tara hosted a "Matilda Jane" party. If you haven't heard or seen this little girl clothing line, DO IT! So different but SO adorable and unique. 

Tonight, it was date night. Well...for Colt, Hayd, and I. Nic had to work the Jimtown/Concord game. I decided to take the kids to see him for a little bit at the game since he hadn't seen them all day. After that, the three of us went to McDonald's for some "creamy" (ice cream). The kids thought it was the best thing EVER. Ha...the things that make them happy. We then came home, played, and cuddled while watching Ramona and Beezus...for the 104th time this week. 

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This last week I am seen such a difference in Hayden. I was watching her tonight and just realized how MUCH she is growing up and how much she is changing. I was listening to her sing to her music in the car and couldn't help but tear up as I looked in the rear view mirror and realized she will be THREE next month. How did that happen so fast? I won't say a whole lot because I will be writing her birthday letter soon, but I just wanted to share a few things:

-She loves playing with her doll...taking care of her, feeding her, changing her. It is the sweetest thing watching her rock her baby so carefully and pat the baby's bottom saying, "shhh shh shh."

-She has become quite the daddy's girl. She goes absolutely crazy when he walks through the door and totally lights up. She loves him...and I love that.

-We have been reading her a little devotional for kids that my mom had gotten her. We read it every night before going to bed and praying. The other night I totally forgot and right before I tucked her in, she said, "read to me, momma. Read from Jesus." It was quite precious.

-Last night when we were in the car coming home, I totally broke down. I was trying to hide it and turned the music up. I thought I did well until Nic came home and Hayden totally ratted me up by saying, "mommy was cryin' in the car, dad." Thanks, Hayden.

-She has become obsessed with "Hannah's House" and loves going to her house to see "Teve." And then talks about it on the way home.

-She LOVES telling me about her day when I get home. It is amazing what she can remember. 

-I made the mistake of telling Hayden about her party, and now she asks when her party is going to be every day. And asks for her cake.

Colton has also been changing before my eyes. He is quite the character. Just like I can't believe Hayd will be 3, he will be 1 1/2. Wow. My baby boy. And by boy, I mean ALL boy! Here are some things on him:

-He usually has a ball of some sort in his hand at ALL times. He loves throwing those balls as well, and he CAN THROW! If he is not playing with balls, he is either trying to jump off couches or anything he can, or torturing his sister. Little pistol. 

-He is such a happy boy and flirts like crazy! He thinks he is soooo funny:) 

-One of my favorite things that he does right now is when he is tired, he will get his sippy cup AND blanket, and lay right down on the floor, wherever he is. I am also loving how he cuddles right when he wakes up. I will never get tired of that. 

-He is also talking A TON! His favorite words for this week are "I tuck (stuck)", "milk", and "pease (please)".

I wish I had some pictures to post on here, but that has been the last thing on my mind:) I will have some my next post!

Have a fabulous weekend y'all! 

I am Loving...

Some things I am loving right now...

-having both kiddos by my side, reading together

-watching movies with my husband after the kids go to bed

-having an empty laundry basket because that means the laundry is all kept up

-driving home from school knowing that I don't have to stress over anything the rest of the night:)

-walking into the house at 4:00 and having both the kids run into my arms

-waking up with my babies...and seeing their smiles

-the hugs that I am getting from children...even the ones I haven't even met yet

-the stage that both of the kids are in...Hayden is talking nonstop and just growing into a beautiful young lady. Colt is talking as well and starting to be able to communicate so much more.

-learning to bake and cook different recipes I haven't tried before

-planning Hayden's birthday party

Those are just some of the things that have been really special to me these past few weeks so I thought I would share. 

Just a little update on the whole job...I promise I will not always be talking about it, but I just want to record how it is going once in awhile. I am absolutely loving getting to know the children and working with them closely. My prayer every day that I walk through those doors is that I would be a light to those that I come in contact with throughout the day. Because I am a para, I only have to be there when the children are so I don't go in until 9 and leave at the same time as the kiddos. I have now met all but one of my Extreme Reading groups. I have 4 different groups that I will be meeting with 4/5 days a week...1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade. During the times that I am not with those groups, I am helping in different classrooms, working with a couple of children at a time. I am starting to get the hang of things and what is expected out of me. I am known to everyone as the Resource Officer's wife:) One of the major things I love about this job is that as soon as I leave the building, there is nothing I take home with me, and I don't have any other stuff to stress over. If you know me, and you have known what has happened in the last year, you know that the whole stress thing was huge for me. 

When I wake up each morning, I know I have 2 choices: to dread going to work, knowing that I am leaving my babies and missing out on different "mom" things, OR thanking God for the opportunity He has presented to me and pray that I will make an impact on the children I meet with, or even just see in the halls. Yes, it is still hard to walk out the front door in the morning, but I know that Hayden and Colton are getting loved on by their grandmas. 

Ok, I must get off of this and return to my house duties before bed:) Goodnight everyone!!!!

Blessings

Can I just say today has been a TOTAL blessing?!?! If you read my last couple of posts, they are just down right depressing. I know that. That's because I was down right depressed. But as I cried most of the night last night (and have the wonderful puffy eyes to prove it), I just prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Even the times that I woke up during the night I prayed. I have come to the realization that things aren't going to change right now so I just need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and count my blessings instead of crying over what in my mind I am missing out on. 

When I woke up today, I felt the burden lifted from my shoulders and finally came to the realization that I am doing what is best for our family right now. Although it isn't exactly "my way," I know this is God's way. I know that this is God's plan for our family for the time being. It could change anytime, but I need to hold on to God's hand and let Him guide me, not take over the steering wheel. 

I had two choices when I opened my eyes today...1. Sulk over the fact that I am a working mom again and have a HUGE pitty party for myself or 2. Come to terms with our situation and look for the blessings. I got to wake up to 2 beautiful, healthy children and a wonderful husband. I got to hold them and cuddle with them all morning. We stayed in our pj's all day and were just together (Nic had to work). I could have sat on the couch, feeling sorry for myself while the kids played in the playroom, but instead I went in with them and took every chance I got to just play with them. Although this won't be our everyday routine anymore, it can be our weekend routine. 

I do want to get one thing straight though for all those critics out there. Nic did not MAKE me go back to work. We decided together that I would return so he did not have to kill himself working 80 hours a week. Nic is the hardest working man I have ever seen. He does everything in his might to provide for us. But I would not sit back and watch him work his you-know-what-off, not being able to see the kids but for 30 minutes a day. That is not a family. Working will allow him not to have to work all those extra hours and for us to have our evenings together, as a family. I just wanted to make that clear for some of those "judges" out there:)

On another note, I started decorating for Hayden's birthday party...that is over a month away:) We have decided to go with a Minnie Mouse theme since she is a little obsessed:) I knew I didn't want to do the actual decorations that you find in the store, so about 3 weeks ago, I started searching blogs about different ideas for a Minnie Mouse party. I came across a blog that I fell in love with. The color scheme of the party was pink, black and zebra. I LOVED IT!!!!! It was still cute while not overdoing the cheesiness....anddddd...when Hayden saw the pictures, her eyes lit up and she said, "OOOOOO." So I knew I had her approval. I looked all over etsy at different ideas and decided that what I saw on etsy was over priced and that I could do it myself for 1/4 of the price. 

SOOO, my mom and I went to Hobby Lobby the other day just to see what was out there. I am telling you right now, that was our biggest mistake. My mom and I get in a lot of trouble when we shop together. Let's just say my husband is going to KILL me...not because of the price (everything was 30-50% off), but because of the throw up of zebra and hot pink materials we walked away with. 

Today, Hayden and I worked on the Minnie Mouse banner, the cupcake tier thingy, and the other banner we will be using. And when I said Hayden, I mean Hayden helped with everything. She was such a sport! She loved helping me! 

 We hot glued zebra ribbon on the cupcake tier...

 Then added bows

 This is far from being professional, but this is the start (didn't feel like paying 30 some dollars for a banner)

 We made a cardboard minnie mouse head and bow by tracing a bowl and 2 cups...then traced it and cut out on black card stock. Hayden helped punch out white dots and then we glued those on to the bow.

 This is a different banner that will go over the doorway...still have a lot of work to do. We cut out bandanas and then will use ribbon to string through the holes. 

 Some more of the banner

This evening was great...
Dinner, bath time, fun time, movie (Ramona and Beezus) and popcorn (love how Hayden watches the whole movie and laughs at the funny parts), and then some special time with Hayden after Colt went to bed...we made peanut butter swirl bars...and boy did she like it:)

 She's ready to start bakin':) Don't worry about the glue...that went with our other project!

 I was pouring the mix into the pan and turned around to see this:)

YUM!!

God is good...and He has blessed me amazingly.

Blah

Today was my first day back as a working mom. I was supposed to start yesterday, but it changed to today. It was a hard day. Lots of tears. Mom had the kids today. Hayden drew all over herself with grandma's lipstick...and all over grandma's BSF papers.
I do love the school that I am in though. I love the faculty and I love the kids already. There smiles were so refreshing and the compliments were nice too:) I am excited to work with these students and really get to know them and hopefully be an encouragement to them.
Hopefully I will start to blog a little more over time, but my heart isn't in it right now.

Back to work

I have been debating writing this post most of the weekend and the beginning of this week. I didn't know if I wanted to take the risk of putting this out there in fear of some that would say certain things. One of those things having to deal with something I started a year ago in hopes of working from home to earn income. Although I loved the business and the products, it wasn't giving my family the income we needed. I have spent the last year trying to find something, anything, that would allow me to be able to stay home with my babies. We cut back on different things. I did some babysitting.
A couple of months ago, I started to realize the stress Nic was under trying to provide for our family. Cops don't get paid what they should for the line of work they do. There were a lot of days that the children didn't even see their father because of work. He would work his usual hours and then go straight to working security at games or working SE. It was extremely hard for all of us. He was running himself into the ground working.
As I prayed and cried and prayed and cried, I knew what I had to do. I knew that I needed to do something to help bring in income. I knew I needed to find a job. As I sit here typing this all out, I am dying inside. I know there are thousands of working moms, but that doesn't take away the anxiety, the guilt. It is killing me that tomorrow morning, I go back to being a working mom. It is killing me that I have to leave my babies. I keep asking myself if I am doing the right thing. I don't know the answer to that question. I want the answer to be yes. That this way Nic won't have to work as much and can spend more time as a family. That we will be able to give our children more. That the stress would be lifted off of us as a couple. That we will be financially ok.
I don't know if I am ready for this challenge. The challenge of scheduling appointments for my children. The challenge of finding people to watch the children when our moms can't watch them (I know they will be in great hands, but they aren't my hands). The challenge of juggling the duties of the house with mom duties, wife duties, and now school duties.
The other thing that is killing me is not being able to attend MOPS and not being able to do "play dates" anymore.
I know that I need to just trust God. I do. But it is still hard.
Bottom line, I hate money. I hate bills.
Please pray for me tomorrow. Please just pray that God will give me the strength and peace as I walk out the door. Everything happened so fast with this job that I was inwardly praying that I could still find a way by staying at home. Pray that God will just hold my hand throughout the day as I work with other children while I am thinking of my own children at home.
Sorry for the depressing post:)
Ok, I am going to go play with the kiddos. Have a great day:)

Five Foods

Not much to say today. Lots of thoughts...but I just don't have the energy to write them all out:) So I will keep them in my head for now. Buttttt....here is the daily challenge...

Five foods:
1. Hacienda chips and salsa- I could eat these all day long. Every day.
2. Mashed potatoes- They have to be my grandma's though. I am a sucker for this delicious food.
3. Banana bread- Just made my this for the first time today. I have always loved banana bread, but never had the guts to make my own...I know, sounds silly.
4. Sarah's chocolate chip cookies- Simply delicious.
5. Mom's orange chicken- Reminds me of when I lived at home. It is my favorite meal...with the potatoes:)

9/11

Today is September 11. Ten years ago today, the lives of millions of Americans changed forever. I still remember sitting in my homeroom and staring at the TV in the corner of our room. We watched as a plane crashed the first World Trade Center. As we watched in disbelief, the second plane went right into the other tower. I remember not really understanding what was going on...how huge this was. I didn't really know what those Trade Centers were. As we went through the week, the news channel was on, and we watched over and over the horror that happened that day. The thousands that died, the thousands that were missing. I still, to this day, cannot think about that day without getting a lump in my throat. And the thing is, I wasn't there. I didn't have any loved ones that were killed that day. I didn't know anyone personally that had to experience the sights, the sounds, the tragedy. But every time I think about that day, I pray. I pray for the families that lost their loved ones. I pray for the people who lost their best friends that day. I pray for the people that had to witness what they did. Sometimes I don't even know how to pray for them. But I just do. My heart sinks for them and hurts for them. I can't even imagine being there that day. I can't imagine the screaming, the horror.
The other thing I remember this day that happened a decade ago was the unity of America. I would be driving to school and see flags EVERYWHERE. I would be listening to the radio and hearing songs that were dedicated to that day. It was then that, for the first time in my life, I truly understand what it meant to be an American....and the pride I felt. I often wonder why God spared my family and friends that day. I often wonder why God allowed me to be born in a country where I could be free. I am thankful. I am grateful. I am thankful for the firefighters, the police officers, the paramedics, the strangers that rushed to help the injured, and everyone who helped/comforted people. I am thankful for the ones who died while trying to save others. I am thankful for their bravery. But it still hurts to think about. And it is confusing.
I know the above doesn't really make all that much sense, but like I said, it is hard to put into words.
Now for this weekend...whatta weekend. First of all, can I just tell you that I love my friends and family? I do I do I do. Last night was the ND, Michigan game. We had a full house here-14 adults, 9 kids. I love having people in my home. Good company, bad game. So disappointing.
Today was the B100 birthday party. My wonderful parents and sister watched are babies while Nic and I spent the day together, listening to music, talking with our best friends. The weather was perfect. I so enjoyed just being with my husband...just sitting and relaxing with him by my side.
***I will post pics later...I need my bed...I am E.X.H.A.U.S.T.E.D.
Oh yeah, I forgot to do my challenge for yesterday...

Six Places...
1. Hilton Head Island-my favorite place...ever. This place hold my childhood memories. It is a place my family goes where we just spend time...together.

2. Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN- This place holds many of my dating and early marriage memories. I started going here with Nic and his family to camp. I fell in love with this place immediately...the beauty of it was astonishing. Nic and I continued to go there for our honeymoon and then averaged once a year since.

3. My house- This is where we make memories every day. We live life together...face hardships, as well as rejoicing together. We laugh, we cry, we pray, we live.
4. England- I want to travel around England with Nic some day...it will probably be like 25 years...but still:)
5. Disney World- I want to take my children here some day. I want them to experience where "wishes come true." :)
6. The house I grew up in. This place holds my heart.

It's amazing what "places" can mean to you.

Seven Wants

I am going to make this short and sweet...it is 11:12pm and I am a little whooped. I would have written earlier, but you see, my hottie of a husband had his first Friday night with me and the kids for like a million weeks (ok, so maybe that is a little dramatic, but still). 

Seven Wants: I am having a really hard time with this one because I have every thing I have ever wanted and needed with me and I am content. I hate sounding greedy, or sounding like I am always wanting more. But, I will do the challenge anyway:)

1. I want an ipad or an iphone. Just recently we have gone away from smart phones to basic phones to save some money...let's just say I really needed my smart phone the other day when I was lost in South Bend:)

2. I want to be able to help my children go to college.

3. I want to go to Disney Land. I want my children to be able to experience the whole atmosphere...and for Hayden to see Mickey Mouse.

4. I want for Nic's student loans to disappear. I hate them with all that is within me.

5. I want to adopt a child from the Dominican Republic. Every since I went there on a missions trip and visited the orphans, I have always wanted to just take one home with me. 

6. I want a new wardrobe. Ever since Hayden was born, I haven't really bought much for myself. I still wear clothes from early college....I'm stylin'. But I would love to have a make over and to have stylish clothes.

7. Last but not least, I want to make a difference in the world, somehow. I am not sure how, but I do. 

There ya go, my friends. Now I need to catch some shut eye...gotta be up and at 'em early for Nic's softball tourney. 

Dentist, Mom's Night, and Daily Challenge

Today was a special day. It was Hayden's first dentist appointment. Of course I was way more nervous than she was. I kept telling her that she was going to go see a dentist who was going to look at her pretty teeth. I wanted her to know what was coming and be prepared. You ask me why I was nervous? Well, you see, my precious princess likes to bite ANYTHING that goes into her mouth, including my fingers. She has a toothbrush, but she likes to do it herself (Miss Independent). The only problem with that, is that I am not sure how "clean" her teeth are from just the biting of the toothbrush she does. I usually have to strap her down by sitting on her and pry open her mouth to brush her little pearly whites (ok, so maybe that is a little dramatic). But to my surprise, she sat very still, opened her mouth, let Dr. Fishbaugh check out her teeth, gums, and whatever else they do. Me, on the other hand started biting my nails nervously, praying that she didn't clamp on the poor dentist's fingers. He was shocked at how well she listened and her fearless attitude. He said she looked great and we have been doing a wonderful job with keeping up with the brushing. He was great. I loved him. She loved him. At the end, Hayden got to choose a little prize, which made her smile from ear to ear. Dentist visit was success.

She was, however, anxious to get back to Bubby. She didn't like the fact that I dropped him off to play with Hannah. I think she was jealous:) Thanks, Tara, for watching my little Cole-Bob.

 Waiting in to be called back and watching Mickey Mouse

 Starting to get antsy in the chair

 Every time the nurse lady turned, Hayden scooted farther up in the chair

 Playing games while waiting on the dentist

It's true love:)

Tonight was also our first Moms Night Out for our MOPS group. We went to Salsa's. It was definitely a night that God knew I needed....a night to get away and just have a "me" night. It's amazing what just a couple hours out of the house, away from everything, can do for you as a mom. I know this might sound crazy, but I felt just a little more rejuvenated when I returned back to "mother-land". After dinner, Tara and I ran by Urban Swirl and treated ourselves to some ice cream. We kept commenting on how weird it was to not be sharing our ice cream with our children and not "rushing" through our food. We actually held a non-interupting conversation for more than 5 minutes.

Now on to the daily challenge:

Eight Fears

1. I fear the dark...yes, I am 26 and still afraid of the dark. My heart starts racing and I start sweating. I have a little Scentsy light in our bathroom (but I really use it as a night light-shhhh-don't tell Nic!).

2. I fear my children's safety. I am one of those crazy moms that freaks out about kidnapping and all that. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about something happening to my babies.

3. I fear losing family members. I don't know what I would do without any of them. 

4. I fear spiders. No matter the size, I hate them. I don't care if they kill other bugs or whatever they do, I can't handle them. They are ugly and creepy.

5. I fear the safety of Nic. Yes, I pray for his safety every day when he leaves the house, but it still doesn't take away that fear that creeps up on me when I hear of a cop losing his life in the line of work.

6. I fear the future. There, I said it. Although I read Scripture constantly on the subject of fear, a part of me still thinks and worries about the future. I know it's a sin and I have always struggled with the "what-if" questions and the kids' future. 

7. I fear messing up. Daily.

8. I fear getting old. 

And friends, I now leave you with some pics of my kiddos...