We started off the week with Valentine's Day...Nic and I were able to go out to eat with some of our dear friends, the Spiveys. Dinner was DELICIOUS and the conversations made me laugh like I haven't in a long time...which was a good emotion. Tuesday Nic had SWAT all day...which made for a lonely day and then he had a game. Wednesday we headed for Spencer, IN as soon as I was done with babysitting. We went straight to the funeral home for the 4 hour viewing...I wasn't sure what I would feel or what I would do when I first walked in and saw Grandpa's body. I thought I wouldn't want to look and just start balling.
However, he looked absolutely beautiful and peaceful. He, of course, was dressed in a handsome suit, with his American Flag pin. Nic was able to help my grandma and mom pick out what he was to wear. I knew then that although his earthly body is still here, his soul isn't. He is in heaven in his new, glorified body.
It was still a weird feeling though. Sometimes I caught myself just staring at him, willing him to miraculously start breathing again and then I would wake up and know everything in the last 3-4 weeks was just a dream.
We went through all the emotions, and sometimes, to tell the truth, it was like my body was there with a smile on my face but I wasn't fully there. Maybe it was just from being tired. It was hard to watch my mom and grandma hug one person after another, welcoming their condolences trying their hardest to be strong. They were tired...more tired than any one person could be. I prayed time and time again for God to wrap His arms around my mom, grandma, Jan and their siblings as well as my grandpa's siblings.
I couldn't believe the number of people that had stopped by. People my grandma had worked for years ago, family I honestly have never even met or knew of, friends from home.
My grandpa has 7 kids...I finally got to meet ALL of them this week. My dad and I talked about how it is sad that it took a funeral to bring everyone together. My grandpa also has 5 siblings, 4 still living. We were able to see all of them. He has 2 sisters and 2 brothers. I kind of smiled when I saw all four of them together because they hadn't been all together in who knows how long and they were able to be together. I was also smiling because I think I was taller than all of them...where in the world did grandpa get his height? I think he stole that gene from all of them.
One of the most touching, heartbreaking moments of that night was when Jean, the oldest brother (who is on oxygen) took off his tubes, walked up to the casket, and just took in the moment. He walked away with tears in his eyes like he couldn't take another moment.
I also found out that night that I, along with my sisters and Nic, was going to be talking at the funeral.
Remember that last post about how I hate to show emotion in front of ANYONE?? Well...I showed A LOT of emotion to cover me for the rest of my life that next day.
The funeral was beautiful, flowers surrounded the room from various friends and family. Grandpa's casket was beautiful with a bouquet of flowers on top that represented him as a husband and father and then there was a smaller bouquet by his head that represented him as a grandfather. There was also an American flag folded in the other corner that represented him serving his country.
Pastor Tom opened the funeral with kind words and reflections on Grandpa's life. Sarah and Kristen followed with verses that my grandpa had come to absolutely love in the last weeks of his life. I was proud of them. Until Kristen, on the very last verse broke down...then I think everyone just lost it. And of course I was up next...great. However, through broken tears and many pauses, I was able to communicate, somehow, everything that my grandfather meant to me. Nic followed with a wonderful, beautiful speech of his experience with my grandpa and Jan ended with her own reflections.
One of the hardest things to watch during the funeral was my grandma and my mom. They were in the first row, I was in the third. I wasn't sure if my grandma was going to make it through the funeral but somehow she did. After the funeral we all had only a moment with grandpa one last time.
It was hard...really hard...knowing they were going to close the casket and we would never see him again (until heaven). It was hard to watch my mom lean over just sob. It was hard to watch them take off his jewelry. It was hard to watch them close the casket and drape the flag over the top. It was hard to watch all the men carry the casket out the door.
We then went to the grave site. I was so proud when the military veterans (not sure exactly what they called) presented the flag to my grandma and then the sounds of the 21 gun solute firing and tapps.
We then went to Aunt Donna's for a wonderful meal. It was a bittersweet time because I knew that once we left her house, we wouldn't know when the next time we would see our family members. It took my whole life for EVERYONE to be together and we were together because of a death.
Anyways, those were very hard days, but it was an also an amazing celebration of grandpa's life. It was such a blessing to see everyone who my grandpa has touched in one way or another. Yes, God is good.
If you think about it, please continue to pray for my grandma, mom, and her siblings. I know it will take a long time for life to get back to "normal," if it can ever be that again. Mom says that she has been proud of Grandma's strength the last couple of days....but there will be days when I know they will feel like they can barely breathe. I know there will be better days than others but just continue to pray.
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