Bitter-Sweet

Today when I woke up, I wasn’t sure how I was feeling. In recent years, today I would have been up at the crack of dawn and getting dressed in nice clothes. I would be rushing around to make sure every last thing is done and perfect for my new students. I would be putting a smile on my face, being nervous myself, watching all the new, precious, little faces entering their new classroom for the year. I would be reassuring parents that their child will be just fine and will have lots of fun. I would be trying to put the names that I have been praying for since I got my class list with the beautiful faces now overtaking my room. I would be watching “my” children introducing themselves and asking if they wanted to play. I would have a desk overflowing with school supplies and being totally overwhelmed. I would be trying to decide exactly what to do first to calm the chaos. I would be watching parents take pictures of their precious little ones on this special day as they try to fight back tears that want to overtake their emotions as well as striking a pose myself with the little ones which would go in their scrapbooks as a memory. I would be giving hugs to my students from recent years who would stop in to say “hi” as they started a new journey in a new classroom. I would be reciting my speech for the rules of the classroom over and over as many times as I could in one school day. I would be playing getting-to-know you games with my kids. I would be putting names on EVERY single school supply each student brought in and placing them in Ziploc bags and stashing them in their cubby for the year. I would be showing them how to raise their hand instead of speaking out, how to line up in straight lines, how to sit correctly in their seats so they don’t fall backwards, how to make a circle around my white rocking chair, how to put toys back on the shelf when they are finished playing with them, how to hang up jackets and backpacks on the correct hook. I would be teaching them my morning routine of praying, calendar, pledges, and morning worksheets. I would be trying to take in every single part of the day in hopes that by tomorrow I would be able to match every child with the right name. I would be observing the children as they play with each other and learn to share. This is what I would have been doing.

However, God had different plans for me. Today I didn’t wake up in eagerness to meet new students. I woke up to 2 of the most precious faces ever. I didn’t rush off to school to get everything ready for the day. Instead, I snuggled with my babies and changed diapers and watched cartoons. I didn’t watch students play with each other. Instead, I watched my babies play with their own toys. I didn’t reassure any parents that their child would be just fine. Instead, I wrestled with my daughter and tried reassuring myself that her attitude would change before lunch time. I didn’t teach my class the new morning routines. Instead, I did my own morning routine that I have been doing for the last 3 ½ months. I didn’t show students how to share toys and take turns. Instead, I showed Hayden how to share a basketball with her baby brother and how she could find a different toy to play with. I didn’t receive hugs from former students. Instead, I received hugs around the neck from my baby girl.

Although this was a bitter sweet morning, Life couldn’t be better than this. I know I am doing what God wants me to be doing and I feel blessed that I could be here with my own kids. I am thankful for where I am. This is what I always dreamed of, but I know I will always be a teacher at heart.