Today I realized something. I am crazy. I like my house clean and picked up. I like every toy in it's place...in the right basket or cubby or bin so it fits perfectly (I know that is insane because they are toys...meant to be played with). I like my family room clear of toys. I can't stand to have the dryer full of clean clothes for long periods of time....but I can't stand to fold them and have them sit anywhere either...but I can't find the time to be constantly putting laundry away. I like the kids bedrooms spotless. I like Hayden's books put away according to the size of the book. I like my dishes clean and put away. I like our dresser and hope chest completely cleared off except for the lamp and little box thingy my brother and sis-in-law got us. I like looking out a window...a clear, clean window. I like clean toilets...that are flushed. I like my closets organized. I like my kleenex box to contain kleenex.
This crazy OCD thing, or whatever it is causes great anxiety within me and I start to panic watching all these things not keeping up to my expectation especially with having up to 8 kids to help this panic set in.
Like...
Going into the bathroom to see my son has thrown the whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet and then looking the other side of him only to notice that my daughter tried emptying her own toddler toilet but didn't make it into the big toilet, which results in poop and pee all over the floor.
OR
Walking into Hayden's room to see that the nice, neat books are now spread over the floor as well as EVERY blanket pulled from the drawer, and every piece of clothing from the lower half of her closet now spread on the floor with hangers thrown every which way because heaven forbid she stay in the one outfit that she had on at the beginning of the day.
OR
Noticing the spilled milk/juice on the "just swept" kitchen floor as well as dog hair flying across the floor that now is sticking to the floor because of the juice.
OR
Finding that the play doh that is definitely now stuck into the area rug.
OR
Seeing handprints/footprints/faceprints that are now smeared over every window, door, TV, or anything that is touched.
OR
Looking at the folded clothes that have not found their homes for going on 4 days and are just sitting in the hamper, on the dresser, or on the bed.
OR
Walking by the playroom to see that EVERY toy is out of the basket, bin, cubby and is covering every square inch of the playroom.
But I have also realized something. If I keep going at the pace I am doing what I am doing, I am going to miss out. I am going to miss out on spending time with my babies, I need to take every single moment and remember it. Not a memory that brings on the stinkin' anxiety that makes me want to cry, but as a memory that made my children smile. Although I want to just scream and go around picking up every single thing that is out of place, I need to just relax and take those moments to enjoy WITH them. Those little footprints, faceprints, fingerprints won't always be there....I need to remember those little smudges. Instead of watching every toy being brought out to play with, I need to just sit with them and play with them, and then use it as a learning time to show how to clean up with their toys when they are finished. Instead of going crazy making sure everything is spotless, I need to just hold my babies and love on them. Because the truth is, my house will never be clean or spotless for another 18 years or so why panic over it? It's amazing how time and children change things...in a good way:):)
My babies are only going to be this little for so long. I want to take every moment and cherish it...every smile, giggle, everything. But I need this panic stuff to go away:) So here is my first step-instead of picking up all the misplaced toys right now, I am going to snuggle with my sleeping baby girl that is laying on my lap! Goodnight!
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