October 2, 2011

Today marks 11 years that Nic and I have been a "couple." God has blessed us more than we could have ever imagined over these last 11 years. Do you realize that is over a decade? Does that make us 'old'? I sure feel like it:) Even though I was in high school, I knew that he was the one for me. He was going to be the guy I was going to marry. He was my best friend, still is. Each day I fall more and more in love with the guy. God is so good. He knew exactly the kind of man that would have the patience, love, and kindness it would take to be with me!

 We like to kiss:)

 This is what all that kissing leads to:):) hehe

That man is too good to me:)

On another note, Nic and I got to see Courageous today. I saw Fireproof so I kind of had this thought that I knew exactly what it was going to be like and so on. Boy was I wrong. I can't tell you what perfect timing this movie had in our lives right now. For those of you who have NO idea what the movie is about, it is about police officers and their families and about what being a father really is. I have blogged many times about the different struggles that come along with being married to a police officer and the strain that it can cause on the marriage. Many people don't understand it. Many people don't care. Many people are too quick to judge.  There is a bond between police officers that people don't understand. Sometimes I don't even understand it. As I have mentioned before, Nic and I have been together for 11 years now and he has been a police officer for 5. I have seen what the job can do to a man and how it can change that man (not in a bad way). 

I have seen the sadness in his eyes when something has happened to a child. I have seen the madness in his eyes when he has dealt with someone who has hurt someone else. I have seen the stress in his eyes when the job gets to be too much. I see the exhaustion in his eyes after long hours.  I have seen the marks on his arms after having to restrain a person. I have seen the pictures of wrecks, abused ones, drugs, and so much more. BUT these are all things that I see AFTER it all has happened....at the end of the day. What I DON'T see is what happens DURING these events. The movie has opened my eyes to see what actually happens during the job...the decisions that have to be made in a split second.  And I have to admit, it scares me. I couldn't do it, that's for sure:)

Sometimes I am so quick to get upset with Nic when he gets home late, or when he doesn't want to do anything but sit on the couch when he gets home. Sometimes I don't understand why Nic can't sleep some nights. Sometimes I don't understand why he has a hard time trusting different people. Sometimes I don't understand why he is so protective.

I won't always understand what is going through his head, or why he makes the decisions he does, but after seeing the movie it has brought an answer to me about some of these understandings. 

But the main point of the movie is about what the call of a father means. We take so many things in life for granted. Our children, our family, our possessions. It can all be gone in a blink of an eye. We only get one chance to be a father or mother. I don't want to give away the movie more than I already have...but if you have not seen it, I highly suggest you do. Not just if you are a police officer, married to one, or related to one. That is just the part that hit home to me. But I truly believe every father should see it. Ok, so maybe just EVERY ONE should see it:) And bring Kleenex...seriously.

It's Official!

IT IS OFFICIAL!! I can finally say that we are now going to have half of a normal life as a family!!! Can you tell my excitement?:) For the last 5 years, we have adjusted to the life of a Police Officer. SWAT callouts, different shift hours, over time, security jobs, fair hours, trainings...everything that comes with the job...which eventually becomes a lifestyle. Please, I am NOT complaining at ALL about the last 5 years, or the job. Like I said, we just adjusted. That's what had to be done. We have made the most of it and looked on the positive side. Through these years I have watched all the ups and downs of this job and the toll it can take on any family but also how rewarding it can be. My husband is good at his job and I am one proud wife. But sometimes this job was hard. It was hard to go to church every Sunday without my husband, to go to family gatherings alone, not having him home for holidays. It was hard to figure out schedules and days off, especially with that beeper he carries around on that stinkin' hip (most of the time I wanted to chuck it in the creek...but then thought maybe that wouldn't be the best way to handle it).
Starting this school year, Nic will be the SRO (Student Resource Officer) at Concord. WHICH MEANS...WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS OFF! We get to go to church as a family! WOO HOO! Every time I think about this, I smile. He will have school hours and his own office. I know that he is excited for this, which makes me happy. I want him to be happy.
I am not saying that EVERYTHING is going to change. I know there will be call outs. I know that there will be trainings. I know there will still be ups and downs and that this job change will make everything perfect...I am no dummy...despite what most think:)
But for right now, rejoice with me!

THERE YOU ARE SUN!!

What a B-E-A-U-TIFUL day it is here! What a blessing to wake up to the sun shining and the weather already warming my skin when I walk out to the car. I was actually sweating when I was out with the kids! It was a great feeling! We have spent most of the day outside and Hayden is pretty much in heaven. She is in her element when she is running around free with the wind blowing through her hair. Colton loved it too! He chased his ball around. Today was also a special day because it was Whitney's baby shower. I can't believe in less than a month little Brigham will be here! As I was watching her open her presents with anticipation, I couldn't help but thank God for a friend like her. Nic and I have been blessed with her and Jason's friendship.

I got to see both of my sisters this weekend...not together...but still! I took the kids over to my parents yesterday and spent the day with my mom and Kristen and Nic joined us after work. Kristen should have been studying, but let's face it...nothing really gets done when me and my crazy kids are around! Sarah was at the shower, so I got to talk with her a little bit and spend time with her! I can't believe she will be 19 years in a couple of weeks...my baby sister is growing up:(

Ok, now let me vent for a minute.

Can I just tell you how upset it makes me when people complain about cops? Yes, I know sometimes they can be jerks, I am not blind to that fact. But I think the reason why I get so dang upset is because people don't understand AT ALL what comes with the job, I don't even understand fully. But do people realize these "bad, rude, cops" have families that worry like crazy over them when they have to step foot outside of our safe home so they can protect others and put their life on the line every day? Do people realize what they deal with on a day to day basis? No, I don't think they do. Do people realize how hard it is for the people who love these men/ladies to hear about others totally bashing them?

Again, I realize that sometimes cops aren't exactly the nicest people, but if you don't want to deal with them or their attitudes, then don't speed or do something you know is against the law. I am not saying that I don't speed sometimes but if I get pulled over, I know I deserve it. If you don't want to buckle your seat belt, then don't complain when you get a ticket.

Like I said, I will be the first person to say they aren't the nicest at times, trust me, I have been in the car many of times while pulling people over. But if you are honest with yourself, sometimes it is the people getting pulled over that starts with attitude. Anyways, I am not trying to be rude or anything, just remember that when you want to run your mouth about a cop, not to do it around me. I am a little protective if you couldn't tell:) I am a police officer's wife...that's how I am.

Ok, I just had to get that off my chest because this is something I have been struggling with since the moment Nic first became a police officer.

Where did the weekend go?

Above are some pictures that Kelsey took of the kids!

Boy did this weekend go by in a blink of an eye. Don’t you hate it how you get so incredibly excited for something that you can barely stand it and you count down the seconds until that day and then all of a sudden it is Sunday and you are back to where you started. That is how my weekend was. Like I said in the last post, my mom, me, and the kids got to go see my sisters and spend the night with them. An all girls weekend…well…besides Bubby. We left early Friday morning and picked up Kris in Ft. Wayne and then went to pick up Sarah at Taylor. We pulled up to her dorm and watched her walk out to us. WOW…she looked so grown up and beautiful. She was an actual college student. We got to see her cute little dorm room and walked around for a little bit around campus. We didn’t walk for long because the kids were getting hungry…and by kids I meant me! There is a cute little restaurant called Ivanhoes down the road from the campus, so we ate there.

Then the day of fun began. We drove back to Ft. Wayne to an amazing mall. We spent the afternoon browsing the stores and trying on every shoe possible! The cute ones anyways! After dinner we decided to rent some movies and just have a night in. It was so relaxing. Kris and mom went to get the movies and Sarah and I stayed at Kris’ apartment. Thanks to my mom, Hayden had a fun, long bath time with some crayons that are for bath time…and by long I mean LONG. I think she would have stayed in there all night if I would have let her! After that, Hayden went to bed right away….both times…thanks Kris. Before the movie started, we had to make sure the air mattress was up and popcorn was ready. We started with The Back Up Plan and ended with Killers. What a great day!

Saturday started earlier than I was ready for with Hayden and Bubby waking up. The other part of the reason I wasn’t ready was because I knew we had to take Sarah back and then leave Kris. But, for some reason Sarah really likes her college and wanted to get back to her friends….I guess I should be happy for her…right? Yes. I am.

After all our goodbyes, mom and I headed home. We got back in time for most of the ND game, which I won’t talk much about. All I knew was that I was EXHAUSTED and ready for bed. However…when I was actually able to go to bed, I couldn’t. So many things were running through my head, so I decided to clean. Before I knew it, some of my kitchen cabinets were all cleaned out and organized, my shoes were all sorted and reorganized, and my closet was cleaned out.

After another restless night of a million feedings and thoughts, I got up and played with the kids and cleaned some more. Hayden helped me clean out the hall closet and both the bathrooms. She loved sorting through all my jewelry and trying everything on! As soon as Nic got off work we hopped on the Harley and headed to Hoosiers for the bike ride for fallen police officers. I couldn’t believe my eyes as we pulled into the parking lot and saw the lot FULL of bikes. So amazing. As we headed off for the 2 ½ hour ride, I was just amazed by how the community came together for this special ride. There were other police officers, firefighters, and people from the community. There were over 350 bikes. It was times like these as we rode along and watched people wave that made me so proud to be a police officer’s wife. I thought about my husband and all the police officers I know. I thought about what their jobs mean. I thought about how some people hate them until they really need them. I thought about the rude comments that I have heard over the years. Then I though about how every day I have to think about Nic and his friends and just pray that he comes home at 2. I think about how when he steps out that door with his uniform on, he is putting his life on the line. So then I ignore those negative comments and just pray. I am so proud of my husband and what he does. On our ride we passed the house of a police officer who died last December, Michael Swygart. His family was standing outside waving to all of us and in that moment tears came to my eyes. I pray with all my heart that I will never have to stand out in my yard watching hundreds of motorcycles ride by because I lost my husband in the line of duty. At the same time, I thought, “what an honor.” When we finally reached Hoosier again, I was beyond relief…my behind I had quite enough! I was afraid to get off the bike in fear that I would be walking like I had been on a horse for 2 days. Anyways, we ate and then went back home to our kids. Maybe tonight I will be able to get more than 4 hours of sleep…maybe.

A Police Officer's Wife

Ok, so I am going to be completely vulnerable with something I am struggling with. If you know me at all, you know that I am a complete worry-wart. I worry about finances. I worry about the well being of my family. I worry about losing the people I love. I worry about losing my friends. I even worry about what people think of me…all the time. I worry. I worry about the safety of my husband, which is why I am writing this. I am constantly looking up verses in the Bible about worry and I know that it is wrong, but I still do.

It is no surprise that being a wife of a police officer is hard and scary. That’s all there is to it.

Don’t get me wrong, I could not be more proud of what my husband does each day when he goes to work, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry. I worry who and what he is going to come in contact with day to day….because let’s face it…there are some CRAZY, psychotic people out there. But my biggest worry is that he won’t come home….that there might come a day when he has to put his life on the line.

Like I said in my first post, I am constantly on my knees praying that God will wrap his protective arms around my husband and the other police officers out on the road every time he steps out of the house. I know I need to completely put my worry in the hands of my faithful father, but I find myself wanting to be in control. But let’s face it…this is something I can’t control and it drives me absolutely crazy. All I can do is pray. Pray that God will give each officer the strength and energy they need for each day. I pray that God will give them wisdom in the situations they find themselves in. I pray that God will hold each officer in His hands. I pray that God will use them to make a difference. I pray. That's all I can do, right?

So, if you are a wife of a police officer, will the worry ever go away? Will there ever come a day when I don’t have to call him every 30 minutes just to make sure he is ok?

I didn’t write this blog to be depressing, it is just a real issue that I am dealing with that is getting bigger and bigger in my life.