The Business of Life

It has been almost 2 years since my last blog post. I miss it. I miss the outlet it gave me. I miss recording everything that is going on in our lives and how our kids have been growing and thriving. I miss the honesty that it gave me...to be myself, knowing no one can say anything or interrupt that time.  I guess I let the business of my life to take over and one of the things to go was blogging. unfortunately.

Speaking of the business of my life, I need to slow down. I go, go, go and then fill the little bit of free time I have watching Netflix or checking my email or Instagram. God has been pressing on my heart to really figure out what's important and to let everything else go.

One of those things has been Facebook. Let me tell you a little bit of background on this huge part of my life. It controlled me. It took my attention away from my kids, my husband, my house chores, everything. I NEEDED to know who was doing what, who was liking whose posts, what was going on in the world (mostly everything around the whole blue lives/black lives matter movement). I was constantly reading articles or posts totally berating my husband's job and how day after day another cop was killed, or another killing at that. It was pouring fear into my soul to the point I couldn't sleep and I feared every day that my husband walked out the door in his uniform. I came to a point where I was about to break from it all. I know that sounds completely stupid...to let FACEBOOK run my life. SO...I deleted it. I deleted my entire account. And it was FREEING. I haven't regretted my decision. I am not saying Facebook is horrible and everyone should delete it...I just did what was best for ME.

It's hard to find that balance in life. You know, balancing being a mom, a wife, a teacher. I don't regret going back to work for one second. God has gifted me with the ability to teach other children, and that's what I will do until He tells me otherwise. But does it make it hard to balance everything else in life? Of course. My cooking skills (or lack of) has been a challenge. I get home from teaching 5 year olds all day and the last thing I want to do is start cooking. Or cleaning. Or laundry. I feel guilty when I do have to do those things because I also want to spend time with the kids. Sooooo, it's all a balancing act...one in which my balance is way off most days. Those are the days I lean on God's grace. I find myself begging him to show me mercy and show me how to do everything I need to do but also glorify him in doing so. When I just feel totally overwhelmed and totally lost, I know it's those times that I am not spending time in His word and I can feel it emotionally, spiritually, and physically I start feeling lost and totally wanting to have a breakdown.

I am hoping that I will have the time to keep blogging, which is something I love to do. Not because everyone reads my thoughts, but because this is me, and I can type until I want to:) I just need to make sure I am not filling up my free time (what free time I have) with meaningless things.