Well, I am back. I've missed this thing a lot...the therapy of blogging. Some of you may ask where I have been. The truth is these past few months have been the hardest months of my life. I haven't blogged because I didn't want to look back and see that those months were a whole bunch of fake posts with smiles and "good" memories. Maybe one day I will be strong enough to tell our story and how we have come through it by God's grace. Maybe God will be able to use our story someday to encourage others. I would like to share, however, a few things that I have learned over the last months and even the past year and a half.
*God is faithful. He is not human. When I have thought there is absolutely no person on this planet I could place my trust in, He has shown himself to me in a very personal way.
*God gives me the strength I need for each day. If you would have told me 2 years ago that I would be going through what we have been through, I would have said there is absolutely no way I could be strong enough. But I was wrong. That whole saying "God does not give you more than you can handle" has made me laugh more than once. Just when I though I couldn't handle much more, God proved me wrong....a number of times.
*God's love is a powerful love. He does not give up on His children. He will do whatever it takes to get our attention and bring us back to Him.
*Forgiveness...a word that I never understood completely until this time of my life. Actually, I still don't completely understand...but I am getting there. Forgiveness is a powerful thing...more powerful than I could imagine. "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." I still don't have the words to describe the power of God when it comes to forgiveness. He doesn't necessarily let me completely forget everything, but somehow He has given me the strength to press on and strive to live a Godly life. I fail daily, but he is a gracious God. I do know there is no way on this green earth I could have gone through this trial without God's hand guiding me.
*God's peace is a very powerful thing.
*I am thankful for Godly guidance and counsel.
*Trust my instincts. That's all I am going to say about that right now. I have lost a lot of trust and belief in people. Sometimes the people that you think have the best interest in you are actually the people that have the most power to hurt you the most.
These are just a few things. But I did want to jot down some verses that have never been so close to my heart as they are now.
*Phil. 4:6-9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
*Colossians 3
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things...put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks in God the Father through him.
*James 1:2, 19
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
My dear brothers, take not of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
*Ephesians 4:26, 29-32
In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, foriving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
*2 Cor. 7: 10
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
I do know one thing, although I pray with my whole heart none of my children will have to go through the trials that we are going through now, I am thankful for a God that can do more than I could ever imagine. I would never want to relive the feelings and the moments of the past year and a half, but without those trials, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I would not have experienced God in a very personal and powerful way. I have felt His protection. There was a time I sat with my sister in a restaurant wondering if the tears would ever stop flowing. I wondered what I had done so wrong to deserve the trials that I had to walk through. I wondered if my prayers were ever heard. I wondered if I would ever be able to trust again. I wondered if the pain in my heart and the sleepless nights would ever stop. I wondered if there were any decent people in the world. I wondered when the questions would stop haunting me.
But I can tell you one thing. The wondering has stopped. By God's grace, I have stopped the wondering. By God's grace, He has allowed our family to start growing again and healing. By God's grace, He has brought us back into His blessings. Don't get me wrong, I had my screaming matches with God and times of wrestling with Him. I have hated Him at times. But yet He won't let me go. And for that, I am thankful.
One last thing, God sees and hears all. Your sins will find you out. The consequences suck. Some think they can hide things forever.
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