Dream

I dream that one day my 2 babies will grow to know Jesus Christ as their Savior and live according to His Word.

I dream that one day I will see my name on the front cover of a book where the author’s name goes.

I dream that one day Nic and I will be able to pay for our children to go to college.

I dream that one day I will be able to travel around the world.

I dream that one day I will be able to take a full (I mean shampoo, conditioner, soap, and shave…legs and armpits) shower without any crying, or any children in the bathroom with me.

I dream that one day I will understand how to fully work my computer.

I dream that one day God will be able to use me in a powerful way.

I dream that one day my kids will look at me as a Godly example.

I dream that one day Nic and I will be able to watch our babies graduate from high school and then college.

I dream that one day that I will know for sure I will see each of my family members in heaven.

I dream that one day I will be able to return to the Dominican and spend time in the orphanages with my family.

I dream that one day I will be able to run a whole mile without walking…hmmm.

I dream that one day I will be brave enough to wax my eyebrows.

I dream that one day Nic and I will help our own children’s dreams come true.

I dream that one day my kids will walk in God’s will.

I dream that one day my husband will watch one full episode of I Love Lucy with me.

I dream that one day I will be enjoying life with my husband looking at a lake from our back porch.

I dream that one day Nic and I will not have to say “no” to our children’s dreams because of money.

I dream that one day we will have another child (Nic, I hope you are reading this!)

I dream that one day our little business will grow enough to help change our lives.

I dream that one day Nic and I will watch our children marry the man/woman God has made for them.

I dream that one day Nic and I will be surrounded by grandchildren.

I dream that one day Nic and I will grow old together, hand in hand.

What are your dreams?

I admit

I have a huge obsession with I Love Lucy. I have a massive collection of I Love Lucy items, such as blankets, tin lunch boxes, snow globes, purses, bags, dolls…which, sadly, is all in the attic waiting for a bigger house so I can have a room devoted to Lucy! I own every season and never fail to laugh OUT LOUD, even when I am by myself (which is most of the time) and I have seen every episode at least 10 times.

I hate to speak in front of people. Yes, I know, I was a teacher…but kids don’t know how to judge me yet! Anxiety over sweeps me every time I am in front of more than 5 people.

Storms make me want to pee my pants.

I sing to myself in front of the mirror with my brush while getting ready, after singing as loud as I can in the shower.

I have to do at least one load of laundry every day or I feel like a failure with my house chores.

I don’t like to be alone.

I am afraid of the dark. When Nic works late at night, I call him several times thinking that will keep all danger away from our house.

I don’t watch the news. It depresses me and if I don’t know what is going on then I can pretend nothing is wrong in the world.

I HAVE to see my parents at least 2 times a week.

I still strive to make my parents proud and never want to disappoint them…even though I am married and have 2 kids of my own.

I can’t watch scary movies. I will stay awake all night and wake Nic up when I can’t stand it anymore.

I love the smell of camp fires.

My eyebrows make me insecure….but I am afraid of the wax.

I have to sit on the end or in the back of church in case I need to escape. I feel trapped if I am in the middle.

I dream about being 2 inches taller. I pretend I haven’t had my growth spurt yet.

I only look at the pictures in magazines only to try to imagine having the life of the people in those pictures.

I love to look at pictures. It doesn’t matter whose pictures they are, I love to look at them. It gives me a glimpse of their life.

I strive to please people. Yes, I admit it.

I would rather write (blog) my thoughts and feelings rather than verbalize them. My communication skills aren’t quite the best.

Clowns freak me out. Maybe because the Joker has given me many nightmares.

I crave a FOUNTAIN diet coke any time of the day.

I could eat Hacienda for any meal, any day.

I have a love for organizing, which I have been lacking since the arrival of Mr. Colton Minder.

I still have clothes in my closet that I wore in high school and college. I always think I “might” need them someday…or fit back into them!

I love shopping…even when I can’t buy anything…even if it is Walmart.

I am obsessed with taking pictures of my babies for fear of missing a moment of their life.

I dread Nic reaching for the remote to turn the channel to ESPN.

I named one of my children after a little girl in a magazine and the other after a football player that I saw on the bottom of the TV screen.

I watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette…and the Bachelor Pad.

I have to make sure the house is locked at least 4 times and the garage door is down at least 7 times…even if I am about to leave the neighborhood and turn around just to see the white garage door down. I lock the car doors at least 5 times so I can hear the honk.

I love to read other people’s blogs…even people I don’t know. They are inspiring.

I am way over-protective of my babies.

I worry what people think of me…all the time…just ask Nic.

I can’t go to sleep at night mad. I will be awake all night worrying.

I would rather watch Full House, Who’s the Boss, Saved by the Bell, and I Love Lucy than any other comedy on TV.

I don’t like to shave my legs…I dread it…but don’t worry, I still shave…sometimes.

My friends and family mean the world to me. They inspire me, encourage me, make me laugh, tell me what’s up, and drive me to be a better person.

I can’t wear skinny jeans…I just can’t do it. When I go to heaven…I will be able to wear them…because my legs will be LONG and I won’t have to hem them…which is what I had to do will all my pants in high school…Kristen stole the rest of my legs…thanks.

I would love to write a book someday….someday. I don’t know what about or who about…but I will.

I cry before I go into the dentist office. I cry before (or during) I have to get a shot or blood drawn.

I play with my hair when I am nervous…or just whenever. I have had this habit since I had hair.

I can’t wear colored shirts somewhere that I think I will sweat…because I sweat like there’s no tomorrow…I think I received extra sweat glands when I came out of my mother’s womb.

I have no fashion sense and consider it a shopping trip when I get to pick something to wear out of my sister’s closet. I don’t even know how to do hair.

I would be lost without my phone.

I will do anything to see my kids smile…even if I am jumping up and down making loud, obnoxious noises. But when I see those smiles on those precious faces, my heart swells with pride.

I am extremely proud of my siblings, parents, and my husband…as if you couldn’t tell by talking to me!

I don’t like to play games…I don’t like to lose…which is what happens most of the time…especially to Steve Spivey.

I'm Back!

Seriously...has it been this long??? Yes, yes it has. Sad to say, we don't have internet at our house right now, which is really hurting my blogging...which is killing my stress relieving time...which is causing me to lay it all on my poor husband...which is making him really wanting to come to my parents so I can get on the internet to regurgitate all my feelings...which makes me feel a WHOLE lot better!

Anyways, it has been almost a week since my last blog. Good thing nothing TOO exciting happened! Hehe! I started my adventure in taking on some more kids in our household...which has kept me occupied for most of my days, running here and there, changing this diaper and that diaper, feeding baby after baby after toddler, jumping around and making funny faces just to see a smile. Our evenings have been made up of spending time with friends and learning more about the new adventure me and my husband are about to leap into.

Now, I am trying to keep everything together right now as we have spent the evening with my family since Sarah is leaving for college tomorrow. That's right, my baby sister is all grown up and is about to start a new chapter in her life...yeah, not ready for this. I will be sibling-less now and will have a HARD time with it....which means you will be hearing me (or reading) complain like no one's business. She isn't ready for this and shouldn't leave. Or maybe I am just not ready for this and want her to stay. But, I have to put on my big girl panties right now and have to be excited for her, which I am, but don't want to be right this second.

Now for the next piece of business...because of my new found revelation of being without any of siblings here in northern Indiana, I have been really thinking about what my family means to me...which has me thinking about the word 'friend'. My family has always been my best friends. They have always been there for me and has never turned their back on me...none of them. I always know that I have their support. You know that saying, "friends come and go, but family are forever?" Well, that has me thinking about what a true friend really is. I don't have many close friends...but the ones that I do have, have all these qualities...so here is what I believe a true friend is. Please add on if you feel the desire to.

A friend…

Loves at all times…during the good and the bad

Does not judge…but accepts

Listens with their ears….and gives advice when needed

Encourages you…not put you down

Rejoices with you…without jealousy

Keeps your secrets

Let’s you know when you are doing something wrong…but respectably

Stands by your side during difficult times…doesn’t walk away when times get tough

Laughs with you…not at you

Does not let the little things break your bond…but make that bond stronger

Is someone you can depend on…not have to second guess

Is someone you can trust…

Never gives up on you…but instead pushes for you and cheers you on

Comforts you…even just to lend a shoulder

Overlooks your not-so-great quirks…trust me, everyone has them

Respects you…not look down on you

Makes you smile…until your face hurts

Is loyal…someone you can count on

Cries when you cry…hurts when you hurt

Pushes you to be a better person…has your best in mind, not what can make them look better

Is honest…no matter the circumstance

Oh...by the way...my baby boy is now 4 months old...so here is my monthly letter for him:

Dear Colton,

Today you are 4 months old…blows my mind how fast this past month went. You are growing faster than I can breathe. You have changed so much this month. You are still the love bug you always have been. You are still quite content and so precious. Everyone comments about how much you smile and how happy you are. You wake up in the morning grinning ear to ear. You talk and coo ALL the time and love to giggle. You also love to move around. Your arms and legs constantly move and you are really learning how to hold onto your toys. You have been learning to take a bottle this month…which hasn’t been that easy. But you are getting better and better. But you still eat like a champ and only eat for about 5-10 minutes at a time. You have been sleeping through the night and still love to be swaddled.

You have gotten to do a lot this month, including 2 vacations. You had your first long car trip to Tennessee and your first plane trip to Arizona to meet your new cousin Rori. You did a wonderful job traveling and were a complete angel. You also went to your first movie-Ramona and Beezus. You watched the entire movie!

Colt, you are just so precious and I feel like all I want to do is hold you all the time and kiss your little cheeks. I am trying to remember every little change and every little moment.

I still pray for you every single day. I pray that God will keep you safe and help you grow into the little man He wants you to be. He holds you in His hands and loves you.

I love you my little old man.

Love,

Your Mommy

Boon Photo Shoot

Yesterday was another wonderful day of being lazy around the pool. Adam didn’t have to go to work so we were all able to be together all day. Then at night we went to PF Changs and enjoyed a delicious dinner and walked around the mall in Chandler. While we were there, us girls headed to look for sunglasses as the boys walked around with the strollers. While they were walking, two ladies stopped Nic and asked how old Hayden was and said they would like to use her in a photo shoot for a product line called Boon, Inc. He kind of thought it was a joke and there had to be a catch but the lady gave him a business card and asked for him to talk to me and call her as soon as possible. When we got home, we researched what Boon was all about. We talked and went back and forth on our decision. We always see those shows about how parents push their children into beauty competitions and contests and knew we never wanted to be those kind of parents who push their children into “modeling.” I knew this would just be a one-time thing and we just thought it would be fun for Hayden. We have seen some of these modernized items in different stores and thought we would give it a chance. We didn’t have anything to lose and didn’t have to spend a penny. So we called the designer and made an appointment.

Nic and I got up this morning and headed to Scottsdale where the shoot would take place. When we arrived, I had no idea what to expect. We walked in and were amazed. It was like we walked into a magazine….but then I thought…well duh…that’s what it was supposed to be like. They gave Hayden an outfit to wear and did her hair. She was very shy and didn’t really understand what was happening. I thought, “oh great, she isn’t going to even do this.” But…to my amazement…after getting used to the new environment, she was FABULOUS!

They put her in one of their high chairs and put a plate of food in front of her and all of the sudden she was smiling, making faces, and totally at home, forgetting all about the cameras and lights. Her pretend “dad” did a fabulous job with her and even let her feed him (after taking the food out of her mouth to put in his). All in all, it was a lot of fun and Hayden captured the hearts of the ladies working with her. They were super sweet and because Hayden did the shoot, she received many of the Boon products and got to keep her outfit. It was a total success!

We only have one more full day here with my brother, sister-in-law, and niece. I am dreading the good-bye, but am determined not to think about it right now.

My Growing Girl

At this moment, Hayden is pushing the pink music button on her Leapster that repeats the alphabet song at least 50 trillion times as she gets as huge smile on her face and yells “c” and points and swings her little pointer finger in the hair. Her brown, eyes light up the size of Texas and her body starts shaking from the excitement. Her golden blonde, curly hair hangs over her eyes because I haven’t had a chance to tame it yet. Her little mouth takes on the shape of a circle and her eye brown lift as high as they can go. Then she starts shaking her little bottom and swinging her arms and then starts clapping. This only affirms my overwhelming feelings from yesterday…,my baby girl is growing…TOO fast.

Yesterday I had a little “mom” breakdown and wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. Little Hayden and I got up extra early, as usual and went out to the pool to eat our breakfast and then take our morning swim. It was a little hard to feed her yogurt with her crazy hair covering her precious face, so I got a rubber band to pull it back. I noticed her hair was getting long enough to probably put in a little ponytail, so I thought I would try it. Low and behold it worked. However, I was not ready for the emotion that would take over when she turned around to look at me with her chocolate brown eyes.

It wasn’t the eyes of my “baby” anymore. It was the eyes of my growing toddler. It was the eyes of a little girl who is becoming more and more independent, which I am not totally ready for yet. It was the eyes of a precious spirit who is gaining her own personality.

My heart sunk as I realized that she is starting to need me less and less, and she is not even 2 yet. She doesn’t need to be held like a baby anymore. She has been rid of her bottles for almost a year. She doesn’t need me to “spoon” feed her anymore. She doesn’t need me to carry her everywhere, but instead walks, well…runs, on her own 2 feet. She understands everything we say, but decides on her own if she wants to listen to it. She has more energy than the average toddler. She is starting to talk and use her words instead of just throwing fits. Her big heart is evident when Rori or Colt cries and she wants to hug them to make their tears disappear.

I am not ready for all this change at once…at all. I know there will always be a part of her that will need her mom, but it is hard not knowing HOW much she will need me.

This trip has really opened my eyes to all these changes I am seeing in my little girl and while it is awesome to watch and be proud of, there is still a little piece of my heart that wants to hold on to the present and slow down time.

Maybe I am just having such a hard time with all this change because I see so much difference between Hayden and Colton in the way the “need” me. Will I ever be ready to watch my baby girl grow into a little lady?

I think the reason why I have been writing about her so much is because I don’t want to forget a single part of her childhood. I don’t my memories to fade. This so-called thing called parenting is just a little hard. And just when you think you are handling quite well, I am hit in the face with new emotions, new circumstances, new EVERYTHING!

On another note…we are continuing our fun here in Arizona. Yesterday we got to go to a Wildlife Zoo on the west side of Phoenix. Although it was extremely hot, we still had a great time. The highlight of the day was getting up close and personal to a young lion, a cheetah, and a black panther. Mom, Jamie, and Kristen took the babies inside a little café to cool down the babies while Nic tested how close he could get to a growling cheetah above his head with Sarah in his ear egging him on, Hayden and I ran up and down the aisle as a the lion chased us back and forth, and my father laughing at us. Hayden did a fabulous job and had a wonderful time. Hayden is now the darkest out of all of us…we realized this after changing her diaper and she escaped to run around the entire house with her little behind jiggling with all her freedom. We then went back to the house and relaxed the rest of the night with a dinner at home. Adam spent some time wrestling with Hayden and spinning her round and round until they both fell to the ground. We laughed, and laughed some more. We watched The Last Song and watched a storm roll in as we sat outside on the porch. The rest of the night consisted of ice cream and Friday Night Lights Season 4.

It is already a beautiful day here and is now 7:30 am. Hayden is itching to go back outside and play her little heart out.

Life Time Memories

So I am trying to soak up every second here in AZ with my family. Yes, it is crazy hot, but with the pool right outside our door, we have been able to keep cool and have lots of fun. Yesterday we were able to go to church with Adam and Rori and meet their church family. I always get nervous about going to new places, but the people here reached out to us and were so nice. The pastor spoke on Discipline, which is always so interesting. Nic really loved it since he tied it in with football and how we, as parents, are the groundskeeper, referee and coach.

From there we went back to the house and Dad and I went to the store to get some food while Adam and Nic took a ride on the bikes and the girls hung out at the house. Hayden has kept us on our toes and has kept us laughing with the way she is in the pool. Her new-found love is jumping off any height of ledge into the pool…sometimes without anyone being ready to catch her. Of course we are all keeping our eyes on her but she still somehow amazes us how ready we have to be at any given time. We have all had to take turns catching her since she wants to do it ALL day long. She has done very well with learning how to kick her legs in the water and blow bubbles. She still has no fear of the water…good thing or not so good? She has also learned new expressions, which have us all snickering. We just relaxed here at the house the rest of the day by reading (not me…I have kids), talking, laughing, laying around, swimming, and eating. Life can’t get better than that!

Once again, because of the time difference, we were all up by 7 am AZ time this morning. Mom was outside doing her Bible study so Hayden and I enjoyed breakfast outside by the pool. The breeze made it just the perfect temperature. I think we are starting to get used to the time difference, even Hayden. She has done well these past few days so I am thankful for that. Adam and Jamie came over once they got ready and so we just did a whole lot of what we did yesterday.

I can’t tell you what it means to just sit back and watch the ones that I love the most. Kristen has loved this time of NO STUDYING. She doesn’t have a single school book here with her. It is just so great to see her have no worries for a whole week. Adam has kept us entertained with his stories and his personality…hmm. It is breathtaking to see him and Jamie with their little girl. Sarah has kept us laughing with her random comments that sometimes we can’t believe come from little innocent Sarah. Jamie has been a lot of fun to be around and has encouraged me in ways I am sure she doesn’t even realize. Mom and Dad have been having the time of their lives (at least I like to think so) with their 3 grandchildren and watching them when Nic and I aren’t…oops! Nic has been our master chef and is quite the little house husband. And as for me….I am just taking everything in, trying not to forget a second from this trip.

As most of you know, when we return from this visit with my brother and sister-in-law, Sarah will be going off to college and Kristen will be going back to her crazy schedule of school and non-stop studying. Dad and Nic return to their long hour jobs. I start babysitting. Mom will be a mess from Sarah leaving and having no more kids in the house…but don’t worry mom….me and the kids are just 20 minutes away…HA!

Because I was 7 when Sarah was born, I have remembered most of her life. I acted as if I was the mother of her and wanted to take care of her in every way. I can’t believe she is finally old enough to be going to college…I can’t believe she will actually be on her own…I am not ready for this big change at all…and I am not even her mother.

Dear Sarah,

As hard as it to believe, you will be going off to college to start a new chapter of your life in just a few short months. You will be meeting new people, some even your lifelong friends. You will be challenged in ways you have never been before…spiritually, academically, emotionally, and sometimes even socially. You will be living in a new place.

I know the tears will come when the time comes…and I am not even your mother…but you are my baby sister. I have watched you grow into a beautiful, godly, young woman. I have watched you go through hard times and cried with you, whether it involved boys, friends, grades, or even if you were just having a hard day. I have watched you go through the good times and cheered for you, like when you were put on the Varsity squad or when you received one of your many awards. You have always been an encouragement to me and I pray that you keep that part of you to encourage those you come in contact with at school.

I will miss you. I will miss our chats. I will miss working out with you (well me attempting to work out with you)! I will miss just sitting and watching movies with you, even though you fell asleep within the first 10 minutes. I will miss your smile. Please know that I am always here for you. I am only a phone call away.

As you go through this next step of life, please remember something. God will always be by your side. Hold onto his hand and let him guide you. He is your strength. I know that you are scared because you have never been anywhere but Elkhart Christian Academy, but He is there. Please stay in the Word and hold on to all you have learned the past 18 years.

I cannot express in words how proud I am of you. Sometimes I feel that you are the older sister giving advice to me. You keep me on track and let me know when I am doing something I shouldn’t or opening my mouth before thinking (which happens more than I like to admit). Thank you for that. I love you, Sarah. Enjoy every second of your new chapter. It will be such an amazing experience and I hope you don’t take that for granted.

Your big sister,

Tori

Sweet Arizona

We are finally here in the great state of Arizona after an interesting start. I could barely hide my excitement to just get to AZ to meet my niece and see Adam and Jamie. I have never been out here to visit yet so as you can imagine I felt like a little girl all over again wanting to jump up and down and giggle till my stomach hurt. That excitement went a little downhill as we were on our way to the airport at 1:30 and my dad asked if we had Hayden’s birth certificate to prove that she was under 2 so she could sit on our lap. Umm….no…we didn’t…oops. At that point I thought, “oh great, I knew this was too good to be true. Now my family is going to all be together except for Nic, me, and the kids. As soon as we reached the airport, my dad and I ran in and asked some lady about it and she said we didn’t need one so we were safe. Yeah…she had NO idea what she was talking about. We headed down to the Allegiant line and waited. My dad finally just went around the line to ask, to which they answered, “She certainly does need a birth certificate.” Once again, my heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach. However, my wonderful hero of a husband said he could make it back to our house in Elkhart, grab the certificate, and be back by the time we had to take off (which was 3:30). It was already 2 by this point.

So...we waited in anticipation at the airport, chasing Hayden around and being the entertainment for anyone within 20 feet from us. I kept asking my mom if she thought Nic would make it and she just kept reassuring me that he would. I wasn’t worried about him getting to the house and back, I was worried he would get pulled over!!! If you know Nic, he can really drive when he needs to. I kept calling him and in a calm voice he would tell me it was ok and he would make it.

Well, not only did he grab the birth certificate, he grabbed all of our passports, birth certificates, and social security cards….what a man! He didn’t want to take any chances! Needless to say, he made it with time to spare and he even went thought the Taco Bell drive through. So now my excitement level is back up to where it was to begin with and now all I want to do is blink my eyes and be in AZ.

I was VERY nervous about the plane ride for 2 reasons. 1. I hate flying. 2. I have 2 kids. Just from being in the little waiting room I could tell people were looking at us thinking to themselves, “I hope I am not near that crazy family!” Well, we proved them wrong! Colton was himself and didn’t cry one time. Hayden was crazy as ever, but with the help of 5 other adults, we kept her busy and none of us had any meltdowns…SUCCESS! Sarah kept her busy by playing with the Photo Booth on her computer, Kristen made funny faces with her, Nic walked up and down the aisle with her, she climbed all over me, mom, and dad, and then she finally fell asleep in the arms of her grandma. The 3 ½ hour plane ride was finally over and I was just minutes away from meeting Rori!

When we reached Jamie, Adam, and Rori, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on my baby niece…but Kristen beat me to it…that little stinker. I didn’t think it was fair because she has been an aunt before but I haven’t! Hehe! But I finally got my arms around that baby and couldn’t take my eyes off her! She is just so beautiful and has so much hair! She was so awake! She has gorgeous blue eyes and the cutest little nose. After I ooed and ahhed over Rori, we decided that we needed to get the luggage and the rental van as soon as possible due to a melting little girl who was starving and tired!

As soon as we got everything, we loaded up the cars and went straight to dinner. Now, I don’t know if you know this but there is a little difference in the time here…3 hours!!!!! I know that doesn’t seem like a great amount but to a 1 ½ year old that is like major! It was 7 pm our time and 4 AZ time, so we needed food fast! Adam and Jamie took us to a steakhouse called KEG….it was an amazing restaurant. It was beautiful and had AWESOME food! Jamie and I shared the Top Sirloin…I must say I haven’t had anything that good in a long time. I probably could have eaten a whole one by myself but I was a good girl and didn’t act like a pig. My husband, on the other hand, talked about his dinner ALL night. He couldn’t get over how tasty it was…what a silly guy!

We then set off to our house for the week. As we drove, I couldn’t take my eyes off the beautiful scenery outside the window. Off in the distance you could see the sun setting down on the mountains. The red, orange, and blue painted sky reminded me of God’s creative work. Then we pulled up to the house…OH MY GOODNESS! Can you say incredible?? Instead of going to a hotel, my dad rented a house for all of us to stay in complete with a hot tub, pool with cool fountains, a fire pit, a movie library, HUGE TVs, and 4 bedrooms. It was reaching 10 pm our time and Hayden wasn’t about to give up and lay down…I tried everything. The air conditioning wasn’t working right upstairs and in the 100% weather outside you could imagine how uncomfortable it was. We tried fans on Hayden, going out to the movie library and laying on the reclining chairs, and then finally ended up on the couch in the family room around 2 am…awesome. Oh but don’t worry, she was up bright and early this morning. Because everyone else in the house was sleeping except the kids, my dad, and me we took Hayden outside to the pool. I am telling you, this girl would live in the pool if we let her! I love watching her eyebrows go up and her mouth turn into an “o” shape when she plays in the water.

Beautiful Sunset

Movie Library

Our room

Because of the lack of sleep on my part, my wonderful mother made a nice, hot bubble bath for me to relax in while my dad and Kristen took Hayden to the store. What a great start to the day! And it is only 7:30 here!